Fuck up life

I am feeling mixed up, upset, disappointed, depressing, insecured & lots of feeling. I don't know anyone who can talk to me and how I tell them what happening now to me. Even I am typing it out now, I am feeling so lost. Mine marriage seem to have taken a worst turn. His action towards me is turning colder and colder each day, even a hug and a kiss seem to much to him now, don't even said sex. Intimate in both of us already been gone. I don't know what's his intention of his action, although I try to ask him why his behaviour nowadays so weird. But he shrugged and tell me his tired to ... or he's play computer. I try to initiate the first move but its to fail again and again. I fail 3 times in total in this month.

So only conclusion I get is that he having a affair outside. I did ask him, but he said 'no' and ask me don't think too much. How can I believe his words when his behaviour was the same when he betray me trust 3years back.

I couldn't tell anyone about it now, seriously its so hurtful that I been rejected by him again and again. My heart hasn't been peaceful since last night, I try to convince myself that I been thinking too much and I try to sleep but... I didn't take take wink since night. Thinking how our relationship would be turning out later on. And what am I doing to do if he's really having a affair outside.. Divorce? Yes.. that the only way out, if he really doing that to me.

Just now, I been trying to find some source who and how he been contacting. I knows I sucks but I have no choice but to do this and calm myself down now.

Split Personality?

I wonder do I really have split character. I can't said no because indecisive, kind and loving is good part of me but the other part of me was a monster who is filled with jealousy, evil thoughts and revengeful.

Sometimes, I really wonder removing my blog is a good thing a not and should be blogging down about "her" in the first place years back. I am quite regretful partly but evil side of was grinning away. Lynette asked me why would I approach her for comfort instead of the 6others kaikis. I not sure why, maybe I feel that Lynette is the most approachable one and she is the only one who had a kid like me. That's why I feel closer to her than the 5others gals. These fews day, because of "her" I blog more oftenly. I didn't want to tell my parents or in laws about this because I didn't want to them to be worry about me and dar marriage. Our marriage is like a rock on the verge of a mountain, its only a matter of time that something good or bad would happen. But I can't complain much cause its the choice I made 3years plus back.

Okay bad news over, good news is here.

Dar going to sell one of his gaming account which can be a good income for us. Because his account cost at least SGD$5k. If the deal can be through, we can clear his study loan from his mom and start saving for a place called OUR HOME! Well, the rest of it will go to dar driving fees and I am thinking to go to HK or Tawian for a holiday. Hopefully it be come true lar cause dar said it a replacement for our HONEYMOOD. We din went that time as I was already pregnant. So yeah. I am really looking forward to it. ^^

JUVY I WILL CURSE YOU FOR THE REST FOR YOUR LIFE

I finally decided to keep the closes private and google search can't find that old blog of mine. But most of friends who knew about her coming forward to me asking me to remove this blog was against me agreeing to her request. Well, I just want some peace from her. She try to hoax me by telling darling that her friends is checking who is the blogger of that blog and it will threaten my safety. Ass her lor. I think her friends who said that are so uneducated. If the thing is true why threaten me to take it down? Affect her life now? Then why she affect my life 3years back. She said I misunderstood her, but hell no. She knew Adrian was attached and like her. She still don't avoid him and still stay overnight his house. Was that a DECENT GIRL would DO?????? I really wonder... not her boyfriend still got the cheek to tell me, they didn't do anything, then why stayover that his house so regularly???? Then behave so loving infront me when he is still my boyfriend at that time. She threaten my safety okay, when I thought of going to the police to make report of her friend threatening me if I don't remove that blog. But I removed not to pacifiy her but to protect my daughter. I am a mother already and not a single girl who is alone to do anyting I want. I need have responsibility in my daughter safety too.

All my words are TRUE!

I don't know why that Juvy will called up and still have the cheek to ask me to remove a blog posting in my old blog. If you know why I would said that you can refer to this link below:

http://lmissyjl2.com

Nothing is fake or lied. But she still said I misunderstood her and my blog posting is disturbing her life now. WTF?!? 3 years back, you didn't said anything but now you came forward and ask me to remove. You still dare to the cheek to do said this arh. Fucking Bitch! Her call to darling, make me quarrel with him. And I broke down crying. Memories of the hurt they caused to me 3years back, suddenly over ride me. Although I forgive them doesn't mean I forget about what happen!

Hey JUVY, you dare to tell me nothing happen between you and Adrian. Then why would you go to this house so regularly in the middle of the night?!? And you know his attached and still have the heart to do this. REMEMBER, what comes around goes around! I can't remove the posting anyway, caused I don't have the username or the password to remove it liao! WHICH IS GRATZ! Hahahahahha

I am just crazy in planning my schedule

I found out long ago that I am really suxs in planning things. That's why most of the time I will do my things earlier than usual if not I sure forget or miss out somethings.

Recently, I started planning out my daily schedule due to baobei's Nursery class. There're so many school holiday or public holiday to remember. I am scare that I forgot that she don't have school on which day and I still bring her there. Then gong gong wait outside for the class room door to open. =.=" .. I know this sounds weird but I am really forgetful and terribly BLUR! Always forget this and that. Sometimes I want to said or do something, the next minute I will forget liao. Very jialat right. I know but what to do, I am like that since I was young. My parents also buay tahan my character like that. zZzz... Sometimes I am damn indecisive and stupid. Yah right stupid. My mom always said, I give in too much to darling. But bobian, I don't want to quarrel so mind as well forget it and do my own things.

Oh ya.. I also TBC on the previous posting. I went out to meet darling at PS to watch Twilight. I really fell in love with Edward Cullen in the story who is romantic and loyal. And most importantly, I like guys with great beautiful attractive eyes. Suddenly, this sentense remind me of someone. Who I am in love with once or I can said admire. Well, that was 6years back things already. >.<" Anyway, after that show I went after Stephanie Meyer books but popular all out of stock for New moon and the 2 other series. I am thinking to collect the series. You know how crazy I am when I want something. I almost brought the books from Amazon but I scare darling nag so I went to Sun Plaza Popular to find but they left only the movie series and the key unlock. So bleah.. took a cab to North Point but couldn't find so in the end I went to NLB in NP to find the book BUT BUT BUT all was out. I went to make reservation, and I was in the #330 queue. Really suxs lor. I am not sure whether can I read the books since 1 person is around 2 weeks. I think I must wait till around mid June already. I am hoping to find it in Kino but I heard one of FP podder that its out of stock also. So bleah... Its really sickening lor. EDWARD CULLEN!

Hey, I went to IAHgames Blood Donation Drive in Red Dot Museum to donate blood. Know what I bloody damn scare of pain but in the end I took my courage for the first time to do something. I was damn stress on the 4th January because of this. Darling's colleagues all said I look so stress. Its the truth that I AM BLOODY SCARE LOR! But lucky, the whole process doesn't hurt much except for the blood test round. Its hurts my right middle finger with a dot hole. Damn I hate it! But other than that is ALL FINE! The duration to pump my blood was 15minutes. The auntie nurse there was very nice and funny. As my left arm vein can't be found and right hand vein is damn f-king thin and weak. She ask me to consider whether to donate anot as my arm sure blue black and I am a right handed. If I use my right hand I can't do my housework on that day liao and cannot carry baobei. Know what during the whole things, darling and his colleague kept using their camera to capture my bloody ugly stressed face. I didn't feel anything until I reach Sun plaza by cab. I was so tired and wore out after that. When I was at Sake Sushi, I almost fall asleep when I was eating as I didn't sleep much the day before and was too wore out. Went back home, unpack all those stuffs for baobei. I went to zZzzzz... slept for around 1hour and was awaken by baobei. So woke up restlessly and went to use the laptop. Hais.. chatted with FP kaikis again. And so on...

Its the last day of the year...

Didn't have any plans to do anything today. Although some friends had ask me to celebrate with them but I seem too moody to do anything. FP friends already date me out for a KTV session tomorrow afternoon. Just an hour ago, dar finally book "Twilight" movie tickets at PS. Maybe after that meeting up my bro and Sharon to have coffee. Been quite sometimes since I last saw Sharon.

Yesterday evening, I saw a post in FP forum regarding single girls prefer married men. But even I am single now, I doubt I be choosing a married or attached man. A podder stated that some girl thinks its challenging to win over the wife/girlfriend. I think to some girls its true, they like challenging "relationship". But what if their status was switch, would the girls still think the same, I wonder... I think most guys have the tendency to sweet talks young girls, telling them they will divorce their wife to be with them but how many of this "promises" are true? I don't want to pinpoint at anyone. If you were a single woman, would call a married man in middle of the night to ask him out and chitchat? One of my bestie got this kind of girl friend who did that, poor wife of his was awake all night due to this sms. -tbc-

Nice month of the year?

Been extremely busy to blog in here.

19th Dec, I went my grandma's house to drop baobei off. Because I gotta go Mt Alvernia to visit Shirley who just gave birth to a baby girl on the 18th. She have C-section so was still recovering from the operation. Baby girl Jerlyn weighs 3145grams with a round round face and she is so awake after she was fed in the nursery. Finally gotten a chance to carry her, was so afraid cause its three years since I carried one. I seriously missing the day when baobei is still a baby. Anyway, left the ward around 6.30pm. Luckily, Ricky sent me out if not I sure don't know where is the bus stop to take 167 to Cineleisure Orchard.

I went there to help Dar with his FIFA online event, gave out installation CDs to teenagers around there. Seriously, the feedback isn't that good but the game is fun. I really like to play FIFA.

20th Dec, I wake up at 9.30am feeling so lazy go out. Didn't really feel like it cause I am too sag. Finally, lied until 10 plus then I was willing to pull my lazy body put to bath and makeup. Play game until 11.50am then I went out to take a cab to Downtown East. Blur me forgotten my big big exchange Xmas present left at my parents' house but I was already 5minutes away on the destination. Luckily,y before I went out my mom gave me some money to buy CNY clothes and my MIL gave me some too. And the previous temp job pay was still in my account. So my finanical wasn't that yet so still can spare some out. I reach there around 12.15pm. Walk around finding present, didn't have much shop open yet so finally decided to buy a necklace. The boss is so sweet cause the budget limit for the exchange gift is $20 but the necklace I choose was $29.90. So she gave me a discount of $9.90 as I was the first customer of the day. So sweet isn't it! Xmas card brought from NTUC but ended didn't give it. I was the 2nd person who FP gathering @ Aranda Chalet. Eric and Jiafeng was there already. But the atmosphere there was a bit =.=". lols.. anyway, I am glad I did went for the FP gathering cause I knew a bunch of great girls.

I left around 11.30pm when my dad went to fetch me. My mom was hurrying me because I was already late (I am going to the airport to fetch my grandma who was back from Taiwan) But but but I still forgot to take my present which I receive from FP gathering.. zzz.. in the end still need to run back take. Went there to fetch my grandma and my uncle, ate some delifrance tuna crossiant set meal cause ate much at the gathering.

21th Dec When to my grandma's house to pray my grandfather cause Tong Zi. My 1st uncle drove me back home and thought I finally have some rest. But my MIL wanted to change her sofa cover which cause $800 just for the cover itself. Was so tiring to change it because it damn big.

Upcoming...

24th Dec Dar company Xmas party function..

25th Dec celebration with friends

31st Dec yet to confirm

1st Jan Going out to FP gang for KTV session!