Fuck up life

I am feeling mixed up, upset, disappointed, depressing, insecured & lots of feeling. I don't know anyone who can talk to me and how I tell them what happening now to me. Even I am typing it out now, I am feeling so lost. Mine marriage seem to have taken a worst turn. His action towards me is turning colder and colder each day, even a hug and a kiss seem to much to him now, don't even said sex. Intimate in both of us already been gone. I don't know what's his intention of his action, although I try to ask him why his behaviour nowadays so weird. But he shrugged and tell me his tired to ... or he's play computer. I try to initiate the first move but its to fail again and again. I fail 3 times in total in this month.

So only conclusion I get is that he having a affair outside. I did ask him, but he said 'no' and ask me don't think too much. How can I believe his words when his behaviour was the same when he betray me trust 3years back.

I couldn't tell anyone about it now, seriously its so hurtful that I been rejected by him again and again. My heart hasn't been peaceful since last night, I try to convince myself that I been thinking too much and I try to sleep but... I didn't take take wink since night. Thinking how our relationship would be turning out later on. And what am I doing to do if he's really having a affair outside.. Divorce? Yes.. that the only way out, if he really doing that to me.

Just now, I been trying to find some source who and how he been contacting. I knows I sucks but I have no choice but to do this and calm myself down now.